Here are my thoughts about Picture Day last year:We try not to use the word hate in our family….however I’m tempted to say I hate picture day.
– Josiah reminded me (while asking for a shower) at 8:05 am that today was picture day.
– How do I lose track of these things?!
– Do I care what they wear or not….I need time to think, but there is no time.
– I set out some shirts. He doesn’t want any of the ones I suggest just because I suggested them. Is this rebellion? Do I care? Does this mean I am failing or that he is independent? Will I look back and regret or smile?
– Time is ticking. I feel like a failure for not having more clean clothes options. Because he won’t wear what I want. Because I don’t know if I care what he wears. Because I am worried what others will think. Because I’m worried this means I am a bad parent. Because I feel like I dropped the ball.
Oh Lord have mercy.
Here is what happened this morning (after putting up a sticky note reminder and writing it on our calendar and talking about it throughout the week):
Twins were at my folks and I think that I was so tired from the previous two nights of bed wetting from my potty trainer in our family that I slept in – like until it was our normal leave the house time! Where to begin when you oversleep?
– I don’t remember my parents oversleeping. Am I lazy? What sort of example is this to my kids?
– There was NOT a lot of grace from my ‘routine loving therefore I must ride the bus every day’ son or my other ‘perpetually late and side tracked’ son…I feel like I’m continually giving them grace! It was a mistake, we celebrate mistakes. Deep Breath. I apologize and ask for forgiveness. According to ‘emotion coaching’ they can have their feelings about it and I don’t need to talk them out of them….but it is tempting to feel like a failure from their responses.
– THEN, I finally get my online picture day order/donation printed out just as they are loading up into the car. Let’s be honest, it feels like a donation because I still have the previous year’s pictures in their original packaging and undistributed – however I fully believe THIS WILL BE THE YEAR that I actually send them out to our family!
– I say goodbye one more time and only then notice Josiah’s hair. BED HEAD! And not cute bed head, grown out buzz cut, only in sporadic places, bed head. He didn’t shower!
Great, I’m going to get to look at these pictures and remember my oversleeping morning that I ACTUALLY TRIED TO PREPARE FOR AHEAD OF TIME and try not to feel like a failure. I guess the nice thing is that it will only be once a year!
Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the sling Josiah will be wearing in his photo. Apparently the skate park, even with a helmet, can be dangerous. Fractured Clavicle on Friday Night which meant an Urgent Care visit (which also means, lucky you, this injury will be extra expensive). He is in a sling for 4 to 8 weeks. Yep, just one month after his cast was removed.
Oh parenting, the results don’t come in for YEARS! In the meantime, I try not to guess, over react, read into, overanalyze, second guess, and beat myself up as I love the heck out of these little people. And I’m going to avoid spiralling in to the realities of the rest of the world and how fortunate we are and therefore why are any of these small things big deals except for in the larger scheme of things and my desire to have them grow up knowing they are loved, while being caring, respectful, responsible, generous, engaged, self-disciplined, flexible and the list goes on…Deep Breath. I want them to grow up loved…and loving who and how they are, while loving and caring about those around them…and KNOWING their mom loved herself and her family and God while having a lot of FUN in the process and being flexible and not sweating the small stuff (which for some of us is harder than it seems it should be). Picture day, LET IT GO…because from what I hear, I’m going to look back and smile and love this season and wish I’d cared less about MANY of these things and what others ‘might’ be thinking.
Happy Picture Day, Me!